Thursday, October 02, 2008

Biden and Palin are bad for your liver!

Two things I like: drinking beer and watching debates (and we're almost out of beer...).
So I've devised a drinking game for use with the VP debate tonight. I'll be sipping (or chugging depending on the breaks), Racer 5 IPA. Choose your weapon as your tastes dictate, belly up, flip on the tube, say a little prayer for the future of the nation, and play...

Uncle Jiminy's VP Debate Boozestravaganza!

1) If Biden mentions his son going to Iraq, take a drink.
2) If Palin mentions her son going to Iraq, take a drink.
3) If Palin says "thanks but no thanks" take a drink.
4) If Palin has a Marge Gunderson moment ("...I'll bring 'em to ya'"), take 2 drinks (this is obviously subjective and will lead to delightful arguments with your debate watching partners).
5) Any time anyone says "9/11" take a drink.
6) Any time Biden mentions the Violence Against Women Act, take a drink.
7) If Biden mentions McCain is a craps player, take two drinks.
8) Any time anyone says "Scranton," take a drink.
9) Any time anyone constructs a sentence around the Wall St. vs. Main St. dichotomy, take a drink.
10) If Palin punts on a question ("let me get back to you on that") drain your drink and pour another.
11) Any time Biden says "Sarah" or "Governor Palin," take 2 drinks.
12) If Biden walks from behind his podium and approaches Palin (a la Rick Lazio against Hillary Clinton in 2000), drain your drink, pour yourself another, drain that one, then pour yourself another.
13) If Gwen Ifill asks Palin why she hasn't had a press conference, everybody clinks glasses and shouts "huzzah!"
14) If Palin says "Barack Hussein Obama," drain your drink and pour another.

These rules should lead to a pleasant glow or alcohol poisoning depending on how things go and your hooch of choice. Enjoy, and be careful out there kids.

5 comments:

Brendan said...

It would be FTW if Palin harped on her son in Iraq and Biden said nothing about his, until Gwen Ifill asked him, "Senator, don't you have a son in Iraq, too?" whereupon he got to say something to rebuke Palin (and the Support Our Troops fetishists in general) for trying to dine out on other people's efforts.

I'd also say that I wish I'd checked this list earlier. I could argue with the weightings, since some things seems more obnoxious than others. But, the show's about to start.

Mmmmm. IPA.

jiminy jilliker said...

Well...I wound up...in an unsafe to drive situation, but it was by no means as liver-smashing as I'd hoped. Thank god I'm an elitist, arugula eating, urban, freedom hater who didn't have to drive home from my debate watching spot.

If there was another VP debate, I'd come up with a truly lethal drinking game. I think I can do so for the next two presidential debates, though.

Of course, my lawyerin' job starts on Monday, so I may be in a "make sure I can go to bed early and wake up early" frame of mind when they come around, so we'll see.

jiminy jilliker said...

Also, if you like IPA's, I heartily recommend the Racer 5. Many IPA's promise a hop-tacular experience and few of them deliver. Racer 5 is one of the good 'uns. Hoppy as the day is long.

Brendan said...

Thanks for the recommendation. I've not heard of that one. Is it local to the NYC area? I'm upstate, so you'd think it would have made it up here, although it must be said that the usual places where I buy beer don't have much shelf space for microbrews.

How would you compare Racer 5 to, say, Brooklyn Brewing Company's East India Pale Ale or Harpoon's IPA? Those are two of my favorites.

jiminy jilliker said...

It's actually a California beer from the Bear Republic Brewery. I was just in the bay area last week, eating burritos and drinking the beers I can't get out here, so it was on my mind. Then I went into one of my local bodegas the day I returned and they shockingly had it stocked. I think I actually squealed.

In my estimation it's much better than Brooklyn Brewery's and Harpoon's IPAs. I vastly prefer Harpoon to Brookyn, but Racer 5 has them both beat on the hoppiness scale by a country mile. The flavor is pretty close to Smuttynose IPA, which I think is more common out here, but it's crisper somehow - a little more bitter, lighter mouthfeel (yes, I'm wanky enough to use the word "mouthfeel.").

Another beer you might like is Victory Brewing's Hop Devil. It's plenty hoppy but with a bit of a malty, earthy undertone. Like a heavy bass under a flashy guitar. And Victory is just outside of Philly, so it's getting more and more common throughout the east coast.

Wow, I just dorked out in a big way there...